São Paulo part 3

Mayara Cavallini reflects on her identity.

I love my country, I really do. 

Many people I know, especially those in their early 20s like me, can't wait to leave. I understand why. Brazil has its flaws and mistakes. It's not easy to live in a country that was colonized and mistreated for so long by the world and its own government. When some people go abroad to places like Europe or the United States, they see how much more those countries can offer.

I think about leaving too, and I realize it may seem hypocritical when I say how much I love Brazil. If I love it so much, why would I want to leave?

But deep down, I know there's no place in this world that would make me feel like home the way Brazil does. There are no people on this planet that I would feel comfortable calling mine, as those people.  And I know how vast the world is… I mean, I don't. I have no clue, and maybe that's why I want to explore it. But Brazil, to me, it's like a warm bed after a long day. It 's mine.

Sometimes, I catch myself thinking about who I would be if I were born somewhere else. If I was born in Los Angeles, London, or Paris… who would I be? I feel guilty about having big dreams before going to sleep. The ones we have while we’re awake. I have had those dreams since I was a child and probably will have forever, but I shake my head trying to get them off my mind before it’s too late.

 I dream of red carpets and writing rooms, of smiling faces and beautiful people. But I can't help but wonder, how many of these dreams could come true for a girl born in a Latin American country? How many talented writers, directors, actors, musicians, and artists do we have here who could reach immense success if only they were born a little higher on the map? Would I feel free to dream of golden statues and bright spotlights? Or would I still shake my head and let those dreams drift away, thinking they belong to someone else's mind?

But I wasn't born in Hollywood or New York. I was born in São Paulo, Brazil. I remember watching TV Globinho and Xuxa as a kid, enjoying feijoada at my grandmother's house at least once a month, and dancing to Brazilian funk at parties. I’m a chatterbox. I am a hugger. That's just who I am, and I love every bit of it. And honestly, if I hadn't been born here, I wouldn't be the same person.

These little nuances of being born in Brazil are something we should be proud of, not just in Brazil but anywhere in the world. Be proud. Maybe I shouldn't feel guilty about dreaming big; maybe I should embrace those dreams wholeheartedly. While I may not be destined for the red carpets, I was born to enjoy afternoon coffee with pão de queijo with my mom and my grandmother. I was meant to gather around with my family, devouring corn cake while watching Brazilian soap operas. And when I go on vacations to the beach, the sound of samba filling the air, I sing along as loud as any true Brazilian would. These are the simple pleasures that make me who I am, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Clarice Lispector, an amazing Brazilian writer, once said that "Being a Brazilian writer is about carrying the heart of the country in your words, giving voice to the feelings and stories that resonate all over this tropical land." 

What I've noticed is that many Brazilian writers tend to write stories set in American backgrounds, with cheerleaders and quarterbacks, using English names for their characters. It's true that these stories can be popular and sell well, but I wonder why they don't explore the abundance of stories right here in Brazil.

Our country is full of diversity and unique experiences waiting to be told. From the busy streets of Rio de Janeiro to the peaceful villages near the Amazon River, each region has its own special stories. We have tales of rich women in Rio's South, and stories of small villages in the Northern jungles. These stories have the potential to captivate readers and show the real Brazil—a country filled with life, love, and diversity.

As a writer myself, I feel it's important to showcase the true essence of our nation. Being a Brazilian writer means embracing our culture and sharing the emotions of our people. It's about giving voice to the many experiences found in this colorful and passionate land.

Also, I have to say: I love my city, I really do. 

Now, I know some Brazilians might raise an eyebrow at this, thinking, "What's there to love about São Paulo?" I can almost hear their voices questioning me, "The traffic? The lack of security? The eccentric characters everywhere?" But you see, when you live in a country as beautiful as Brazil, it's easy to fall in love with places that seem like they're straight out of a dream. You can declare your love for a city that sits on a beach that looks like it came straight from God's imagination. But São Paulo? With its dusty air, crowded streets, and chaotic people? Come on!

Yes, I love my city. I love everything about it, top to bottom. 

São Paulo may not have beaches or scenic landscapes that take your breath away, but it has something else, something special. It's a place that doesn't shy away from being real. São Paulo is a city that's alive, vibrant, and full of life. 

There were moments in my life when I'd go out at night with my friends, walking along crowded avenues. The streets stretched wide, flanked by towering buildings that made you tilt your head back to see their tops. The city lights outshone the stars, and the summer air felt hot and dry. It was a cacophony of noise, everything too loud, too shiny, and bursting with life. In those moments, I'd take a deep breath, look around, and feel like anything was possible. Everything around me was alive, and so was I.

That's the feeling I often have here. I'm grateful that out of every town I could have been born in, I was born in this one. I find peace in the chaos of São Paulo. Its disorder perfectly matches my own, like we're both part of a wild drawing made by a five-year-old child. This city, with its energy and vibrancy, is where I belong.

And I think that’s a little bit about how being Brazilian feels. Being Brazilian is like being part of a colorful and diverse puzzle. We are a mix of different cultures, races, and backgrounds. There's no one look that defines us - we come in all shapes, colors, and sizes, and that's what makes us special.

Once, a Chinese boss asked me what Brazilians look like, and I couldn't give a simple answer. I said, "We look like everything!" He couldn't believe it because he thought I, a blonde with green eyes, represented all Brazilians. But that's not true. We are all different, like a beautiful dance with each of us moving to our own rhythm.

There’s something chaotic about us - you can spot a Brazilian from afar, even knowing that, up close, we are unique individuals. Our parties, laughter, and colorful way of life make us stand out, but it's the diversity that makes us proud to be Brazilian. The chaos, the laughter, the music, and the dance, don’t summarize everything. It’s just what we are known for, and there’s so much more than that. 

We, Brazilians, are a diverse bunch, coming from various traditions and holding different beliefs, but one thing that unites us is our love for each other and our country. It, sometimes, may sound strange in the ears of another Brazilian person, but it’s a fact. When outsiders mention Brazil, we become defensive and protective, and that's because the only people that can talk bad things about Brazil are ourselves. Just check on the internet and see how Brazilians react everytime some foreign person mentions us, or how protective we are everytime a famous fellow Brazilian gets into trouble outside of the country.  

 When I was asked to write about Brazil, I got a little scared. I talked to my friends, and they laughed and wished me luck because it is really hard to know what to say. I found myself wondering for long moments, trying to answer the question: when I think about my country, what comes to my mind? What do I have to say that can make it worth it? That can make it relatable?

I found myself thinking about the sound of the wind blowing in trees, about samba, and a pretty woman smiling. But that’s just the surface, that’s just what foreign people think because travel agencies sold them tickets to Rio de Janeiro. What, really, is being Brazilian about?

I think about cold beer, about streets painted in yellow and green when it's World Cup year. I think about little boys playing soccer barefoot near their houses, and I think about their moms chatting with each other on the neighborhood sidewalk. I think about soap operas and funk music. That’s closer to the truth.

But you can’t wrap a whole universe inside of an essay, no matter how hard you try. And believe me, I'm trying. We are a whole universe, a colorful, chaotic, lovely, amazing universe. Because, when you're born in Brazil, something about you is shaped differently. It’s just a warm feeling within our hearts, and it never goes away.